watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
