How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
