so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
