I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
