i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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