I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
