how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
