You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
