I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
