____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
