he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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