Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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