no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
