How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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