i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
