I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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