Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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