dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
pray to the hookup gods
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
