Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
