Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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