Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
