im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
