i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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