How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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