i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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