the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
