i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
