thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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