never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
