Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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