YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
