Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
