After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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