JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
