I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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