We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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