Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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