It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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