Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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