Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
