Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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