I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
