Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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