I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
