I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
