Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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