maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
