my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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