I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
