I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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