I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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