well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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