ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
