I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
