Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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