five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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