So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
